gotta love betty barclay

they have a sale on at john lewis. i'm assuming it started a while back as the things are double discounted now. we were passing through the shop last night as we needed to buy presents for mark's parents and we parked in the john lewis' carpark. i saw this blouse, white with little holes and little white flowers (difficult to explain, it's not flowery or anything) and it was size 12. usually they only have size 6, 8 and 18 in the sales. i tried it on. it was really really nice. it fit me perfect, it was a little loose even. goes well with my only skirt. the best thing about it is - it's betty barclay! like, i love betty barclay but i never bought anything because all her stuff is so expensive. not this time. the blouse was 9 (nine!) quid. i'm not shitting you.

i went to meet nicola at lunch time today. we went to this veggie cafe called diamond dogs (which made me remember my friend who was in raf and his name was diamond dog). i picked seasonal mixed salad from the menu and we ordered some garlic bread to share as well. do not be alarmed, the garlic bread had hardly any fat in it, it was hard and not fat at all. it was nice, i'm just saying it was not fat :) i was chuffed with my choice. but then, after we've eaten, the waiter asked if we wanted a cake. they had apple and raspberry crumble with cream. i've never had crumble in my life (i know) so i was tempted. nicola was keen too. and we had it. and it was lovely!
nicola totally loved the scrapbook thingy :) so i'm really glad because she was really happy :)
we went to paint pottery after lunch. we started with egg cups thinking it would be easy. i then painted a bowl and nicola managed to paint two tiles! she was really good at it! we painted for two and half hours and were totally exhausted in the end! my back was killing me as well. it's weird, we had to concentrate so much we weren't even talking! but it was really good. the pottery will be ready next thursday (it needs to be glazed and stuff), nicola will probably pick it up on friday. i'll put some pictures up then.

it's quite hot today and it's supposed to get hotter. i wish i could jump into a pool!

success!

the first day of the week went well. i had cinnamon grahams (30g weighed), 650g cherries, spagetti and muller corner with mcvitie's digestives (the corner is brilliant for when you want something sweet but good). see, nothing bad there! i managed to get through the day without eating chocolate, biscuits or crisps! i'm proud!

and i pooed today without laxatives!

i'm going to meet nicola for lunch tomorrow and then we're going to paint pottery at some pottery place. how exciting is that? i hope there will be healthy options at lunch because i really want to be good. i can always have soup if they don't have any salads. the pottery painting will be fun. i'll have to think of some designs, i'm totally clueless! like, i can see it already, nicola will be painting away and i'll be painting dots on or something.

scrapbooking!

i'm blogging like mad today. but i simply had to put the following picture online.

about a month ago i decided to try scrapbooking. i made a scrapbook for mark, it was all about his band, black and white, really nice. the best thing about it was that i kept it all secret, he knew i was making it but he didn't know the theme, he thought it would be our wedding! muahahahaha!

today, it was my second attempt at scrapbooking. it's my friend's nicola's birthday soon so i thought i'd make a layout for her. so we went to hobbycraft yesterday and bought embellishments and ribbons and alphabet set and i sat down to it today and this is the result (it gets bigger when you click on it):



hope she'll like it! i'll find out on friday, i'll let you know :)

weigh in!

according to the original plan, i was supposed to go to slovakia weighing 63 kg. i was allowed to come back with 65 kilos, allowing 1 kg gain for implants and 1 kg gain for the fantastic slovak food i can't eat in england.

but as you all know, i went to slovakia weighing 65 kilos as i was not very good in the two weeks before my departure. you also know that although i didn't hold any food down for three days after the operation i ate a lot before and after. i was a bit scared to get on the scales when i got home. i was pleasantly surprised but continued eating shit (as blogged previously). so i was a bit scared to get on the scales today.

but i did it...
...and...
...i weigh 65 kilos!

so instead of putting on two kilos i came back weighing exactly the same. meaning i actually lost a kilo in slovakia since the implants weigh a kilo! how good is that! i don't quite know how i did that - i ate a lot, mostly carbs, i didn't have any activity because i was in so much pain i stayed in bed all day. perhaps it's because my body is healing and that burns a lot of calories? any ideas? anyway, the great thing is, i'm spot on the plan now!

i'm on my best behaviour today. as i promised yesterday, it's a new start for me today. i weighed my cereal in the morning. i didn't have anything bad today yet and i will totally try not to have anything bad as i'm only allowed two treats a week now and i don't want to blow one on the first day i start especially as i'm not craving anything.
we went shopping yesterday, i bought all good stuff - cherries, sweetcorn on cob, nectarines, wholemeal bread...

the plan was that i'd maintain my weight in the 6 weeks post op when i can't exercise but now i'm thinking i might actually be able to lose some! even if it's only a kilo, it's still something! so i will try my best. if i lose now and continue losing according to plan when i can exercise i'll reach my goal sooner :) not that i'm being greedy or anything.

the best thing, however, will be going to slovakia again. every time i go i'm dreading meeting people who haven't seen me for a while and who never saw me fat. i never want to see anyone from that group because i don't want them to see me fat. i'm not planning to go to slovakia until christmas and i should have well reached my goal by then. that means that i'll be thin again and i can meet whoever i want! brilliant!

need.to.eat.well.

argh! i had crisps and chocolate yesterday! only a small packet of crisps (mccoys, mind you) and only a row of chocolate, but crisps and chocolate nonetheless. both, in a single day!
and it wasn't like i was craving salty or sweet - i had veggie sausages and spagetti hoops for tea and a crunch corner yogurt later on. i had the crisps because we had a family bag of mccoys at home, with at least one bag of salt & vinegar flavour crisps. this doesn't happen very often, if we have them, mark polishes off the salt and vinegar ones while i'm trying to stay away from them and when i really really desperately need them they're all gone. so i was trying to prevent that. i know it's stupid because now i'm polishing them off and when the time comes and i'll really really need them they'll be gone. perhaps i should have analysed it before i stuffed them in my mouth. chocolate was pretty much the same reason. i decided i wanted chocolate. if we didn't have any, it would have been ok. i didn't desperately need chocolate. but i knew we had some. so grrrrr.

also, mark questions me every time i want to have a treat like that. he says 'can you have this?' and i say 'of course, i can have some' which is not entirely true. yes, i can have a treat. but i remember weeks when i was allowed only one treat - this didn't quite work, i wanted chocolate all the time, and weeks when i was allowed two treats - this worked perfectly. perhaps i should implement that rule again. tomorrow is the weigh in day and so the start of a 'new week'. i can start with the rule then.

i definitely need to be more strict with myself. i'll try to eat better today and i'll commit fully tomorrow. i will i will i will. if i could eat well before, i can eat well now. i have a choice, i'm lucky enough to choose what i want to eat and i will make a good choice. yes, indeed.

before and after

so, here are the before and after pictures. not before as in 'fat' and after as in 'skinny' (those will have to wait for a bit longer), but before as in 'without boobs' and after as in 'with boobs'.

i'm only 11 days post op so i still have plenty of dropping and fluffing to do and i'm still swollen, especially on the sides. also, the pictures are without the bra so bear that in mind.

before pics first.




as you can see, i had no boobs at all.
and now....
pictures with boobs!




a nice difference, don't you think?

back in england

i'm not flying from bratislava airport ever again. it's a shitty little airport with no air conditioning. we had to queue for over an hour at check in because the baggage belts were not working properly. it was hot and horrible.

anyway, we got back to england ok, bought food in tesco - all good apart from dougnuts. we're going to have chinese tonight, to have a nice end of our holiday. then i'm going to be really good. i stepped on the scales today and it's really not that bad. you'll have to wait until wednesday to find out though ;)

fit to fly

i had my stitches removed today. the doc showed me the 'thread', it was a very nice blue colour and it looked very tough. very nice though. i was tempted to ask if i could keep it but knew better. the doc said he prefers sewing to removing stitches. and when he finished, he said 'you can fly wherever you want to now'. england would be nice.

when i get back to england, i'm starting to eat really well. i've slacked off with my eating for a bit while being here. i didn't hold any food down for three days after the surgery so i thought i was doing really good ;) but afterwards my dad (just for the record he's slim and fit, i'm the only fat person in the family) kept buying chocolate and bringing me dougnuts and such so i wasn't all that good. also, the amount of bread i've been eating... i also haven't pooed for over a week and i'm bloated so my stomach looks like a balloon. as soon as we get to england i'm popping laxatives.
exercise will have to wait for at least a month so it's very important i eat well. i'm dreading the scales but i will update on wednesday. just keep in mind a kilo of the gain will be the implants!

omg boobs!

i have boobs! it's all done! here's the story:

got there on time on wednesday and the doctor said he's going to put them under the muscle. i was like wtf??? he told me not to be afraid, then he drew pictures on me, then they put me in bed and put the tv on. i was watching some programme about aston martin cars. then i went into the theatre, the anaesthesiologist was really fit, they put me to sleep and i woke up with new boobs! how exciting! nothing hurt and i wasn't feeling sick. then the doctor comes in and says i have drains! a bit of panic there cause i didn't want to tell my dad but obviously had to. was sick on the way home.

and the next day it started to hurt a lot! i was sick every day too, sometimes twice - usually in the car (i had to go get my drains out on friday). i stopped being sick on saturday and i'm not in pain since monday. i even went to the dentist today and had no problems sitting up and down.

so, not bad! although the bra is not very comfortable and rather tight but i only have to wear it for four more weeks and then it's done.

all in all, good.

oh, and btw, i don't use aol speak, it's just to take the piss :)

one day to go

i'm going to the country house in the evening and will go to the hospital from there tomorrow. after the surgery, i'll go back to the country house through the town as i need to pick up the dog and take some food but i'm not sure whether i'll feel up to updating the blog so i might not post for a few days.

i'm all ready, i've had a shower, washed my hair, shaved my armpits (with mark's razor so it's way smoother than usual), epilated my legs. i packed stuff i think i'll need to take with me tomorrow - painkillers, sickbags, musli bars, rice cakes. mark's taken 'before' pictures so i have evidence ;) and can compare the new boobs to the old ones.

it's a matter of hours now, not days, weeks or months. i'm not nervous or anything (but ask me tomorrow morning), i'm just kinda chilled about the whole thing. and i think that's a good thing.

think of me tomorrow :)

preop tests - done!

got up at 5.45. taxi came on time. arrived at the doctors five minutes before the appointment time. i had my blood taken. no major trauma. didn't hurt or anything. all good.
i was measured again, so they could count what i'll measure after the surgery and what size post op bra i'll need. they said i'd measure 96 cm around my chest. now, i didn't think much of that, the 'ideal' measurement is 90 cm and i'm a bit fat so 96 sounds good. i also assumed that's how much i measure with my padded bra on. well, i took a tape measure and checked the size out. if i thought my boobs were reasonably big in a padded bra then my boobs after the surgery will be massive! so i kinda needed to make adjustments to the clothes plans for wednesday. i cannot wear the o'neill shirt that i bought last week cause i'm scared i won't do it up. i have another shirt with me that matches the skirt i'm wearing so i'm saved.

i'm eating shit. crisps and biscuits and the lot. i'll stop. tomorrow i'm only going to eat fruit and yogurts and stuff like that and i'll take aloe vera bowel cleaning pills tonight so i won't go for the op with a massive stomach. i'm hoping it will reduce the sickness from the anesthesia.

i was instructed to take all the metal stuff off me. annoying! i have an earring at the top of my lobe that has never been out and i'm not too keen to take my belly button piercing out either. but i guess it has to be done.

two days to go!

slovakia

sorry i've not updated for a while but blogger was being dodgy for a while and i flew to slovakia yesterday morning and went straight to our country house and was stranded there with no internet. but here i am, in the town apartment and adsl.

so, obviously, i'm in slovakia now. the weather is ok, colder than in england but that's because it's 30 degrees in england. it should get warmer as well. ideal, i'd say as it's not totally hot but not cold either.

right kerfuffle from the start as well because someone crashed the car we hired for tomorrow. so now we're having a taxi driving us to my pre op (it's about 1.5 hr away). maybe not such a bad thing, mark can watch where we actually need to go and drive without any trouble on wednesday. that is, if the car is fixed by wednesday.

mom said i've lost weight and look much better. i've only lost about 5 kilos since she last saw me, so even such a small loss makes a huge difference. something i'll need to remember.

only three days now. my poor dad thinks i'm going to have moles removed (which i'm going to, as well, so it's not really a lie).

wish me luck for tomorrow, they're gonna take blood and i hate needles!

bah!

well i'm afraid the inevitable has become a reality. it's a gain. a whole kilo! ah well. i'm not sure how i managed to gain a whole kilo in a day though as i weighed 64 yesterday morning and didn't eat all that much yesterday but it is a gain indeed and i need to take a good hard look at myself and talk some sense into me.

i listed three reasons why i'm off the wagon in the previous post:
1/surgery is close. well, what am i going to do after the surgery? will i have no motivation at all or will i gain new motivation from having new boobs? i really hope the latter
2/i'm ill and can't exercise and that demotivates me. yes, i'm ill. yes, i can't exercise. but i won't be able to exercise for five weeks after the surgery. what does that mean? will i gain everything i've lost and more or will i realise that i need to eat less and eat well? again, i really hope the latter
3/i'm sad. well tough shit. food's not going to make me any less sad. if no one wants to be my friend, fair enough. if i end up looking like an idiot every time i try to make a friend, i should stop doing it. that way i won't get my hopes up and get really sad when i realise they actually don't give a shit.

so i guess the only thing to do is remind myself of the reasons why i'm doing this and why should i not give up. and eat well and stop eating shit. i can do it. i've done it before. why should it be different this time?

galaxy with hazelnuts

i felt rough as fuck this morning. really ill. but i've had a few beechams and mark bought me cow tissues so i think i'll be fine.

however, i had a whole galaxy with hazelnuts bar. like, the big one. i don't think they actually make small ones of those. but at least it was a nutty one, nuts are good, right?
i don't know what's happening. it's like i've lost focus with the surgery being so close. i think there are various reasons:
1/surgery is close, i think i can't do more than i've already done
2/i'm ill and can't exercise
3/i'm sad (mainly because i'm a weird crazy bitch who can't make friends and when she tries she ends up looking like a complete twat)

sorry about the whinge and all the swearing.

i shall go and get my daily dosage of alan davies now (well, in about 15 minutes).

--------------------

bah! they're not showing qi! i'm not even going to swear...

the most sexy vegetarian

apparently, the most sexy vegetarian is prince (i know this is old news). what? who on earth thinks prince is sexy? if i got to vote, i'd vote for my husband (obviously) but if it had to be someone else than my husband i'd vote for alan davies. now, i would have never thought of alan davies as the most sexy (vegetarian) male on the planet surface but, i've been watching qi every day for past like three weeks. and god, that man is funny. but not like ha ha funny, more like adorably funny. and adorably funny is sexy. i totally love him.

i'm still ill. i think i might have an ear infection as well cause my ears are itching like mad. i took this as an opportunity to eat shit today. i won't do the same tomorrow. promise.

a bit ill

my throat started hurting a bit last night and i woke up today feeling really rough. so i'm drinking lots of tea and keep socks on. it's weird, i keep drinking like mad but i'm always thirsty. why is that?
anyway, it puts my gym plans on hold for a bit.

the scales were very nice to me this morning, so nice i couldn't believe them even! and it's only saturday! if i continue being really good, who knows what will they say on wednesday?

only a week until we go to slovakia and only 11 days until my boob job!

double caramel magnum

london was good. well, apart from the fact that our car doesn't have air conditioning and it was hot and i ended up looking like a cherry. no one was taking pictures so it's ok. my ears are still ringing (from the gig, not from the car without air conditioning).

before i start, i have to say, i had the best intentions! i packed all healthy food and i drank lots of water. everything was going smoothly until we stopped at services on the way back. they had double caramel magnum. double caramel magnum!!!!! i thought they stopped making them! but obviously not. so i had the double caramel magnum and (i think) four chocolate digestives. now, i know i'd said i wouldn't, but
1/i'm allowed two treats a week (ok, so i had a lot of treats on monday and tuesday but they don't really count because i was being bad then) ;)
2/it was double caramel magnum!!!!!
3/i was on a trip, i always bend the rules a bit when i'm on a trip
see how good am i at justifying stuff?

we got home at about 3.30 am and i had to get up at half nine to go to the doctors! argh! so i'm reasonably tired now.

you know, i made that scrapbook layout for mark the other day and it looks really nice! i'd love to post a picture but there are pictures on it that haven't been released yet so i can't. the fact that i didn't copy the layout, that i designed it myself, that i ordered embellishments that look good together, all that made me think that maybe i am creative. maybe i can still do things even though my dopamine receptors are double-blocked! maybe i could start writing... hmmmm!

back on track

just a quick update today cause i'm leaving to london shortly (mark's playing a gig).

i'm pleased to announce that my eating was under control yesterday and the scales look a bit better than yesterday. i also packed all healthy food for the journey.

i didn't exercise however, and i won't exercise today but i'm aiming to get back in the gym on friday.

have a good day!