bah!

well i'm afraid the inevitable has become a reality. it's a gain. a whole kilo! ah well. i'm not sure how i managed to gain a whole kilo in a day though as i weighed 64 yesterday morning and didn't eat all that much yesterday but it is a gain indeed and i need to take a good hard look at myself and talk some sense into me.

i listed three reasons why i'm off the wagon in the previous post:
1/surgery is close. well, what am i going to do after the surgery? will i have no motivation at all or will i gain new motivation from having new boobs? i really hope the latter
2/i'm ill and can't exercise and that demotivates me. yes, i'm ill. yes, i can't exercise. but i won't be able to exercise for five weeks after the surgery. what does that mean? will i gain everything i've lost and more or will i realise that i need to eat less and eat well? again, i really hope the latter
3/i'm sad. well tough shit. food's not going to make me any less sad. if no one wants to be my friend, fair enough. if i end up looking like an idiot every time i try to make a friend, i should stop doing it. that way i won't get my hopes up and get really sad when i realise they actually don't give a shit.

so i guess the only thing to do is remind myself of the reasons why i'm doing this and why should i not give up. and eat well and stop eating shit. i can do it. i've done it before. why should it be different this time?