day 12 - back on track

i went a bit crazy with the food last night. i was really really hungry and i told myself i couldn't eat anything else because i had my three portions of food for the day. and i was going to stick to it. then mark wanted food so we went downstairs and there were the cheesy buns. i had one. then i had the second one. i was still hungry. mark left half a plate of pasta and gave it to me. upstairs, i ate two oranges.
then i fought mark to get my hands on a cinnamon swirl. i won. i had the cinnamon swirl. and that was what i needed all along. so now i've decided that i can have a treat every two weeks. i think if i had the cinnamon swirl straight away, i wouldn't have all the cheesy buns and pasta. ah well. will know for the next time.

also, we made a deal with mark last night. i'll stick to my diet for twelve weeks, he'll eat healthy food for twelve weeks. so now it's not just my health but his as well. what did i let myself into? i'll have to be really good then.

--------------

now i feel really upset that i ate so much food last night. i can't even stay on the diet for more than ten days. if i only went to sleep instead of going upstairs.

-------------

i'm unhappy today. i can't be bothered doing anything. i cooked my lunch but that's it. i can't be bothered going to the gym. but i know that i have to because i need to do my paced walk today and if i don't then i'll be off the training for the 10k run. i want to cry. i don't want to go! and my mother's lost 1.8kg without even trying. it makes me sick. she eats cake (7 pieces to be precise) instead of a proper tea (which is a piece of fruit in my case) and she still loses 1.8 kg. why do i have the shittiest body on the planet?

------------

nige from the bbc forum's given me new hope. apparently i'm lacking omega-3, so i need to eat 25 g of linseed a day (that's about two tablespoons) and i'll poo! i also need to eat seeds and nuts to keep omega-3 and omega-6 in balance. and, i need to eat sat and mono fats too! i'm not sure where you get these from, i'm hoping chocolate. but, the good thing is, if i poo, i'll lose weight!
mark's bought me linseed, keshew nuts, almonds, pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds, all organic i was well chuffed and i'm going to eat them every day! watch me poo! (not literally)

food:
two organic bananas
3 eggs scrambled with mushrooms (all organic apart from the oil) on two oatcakes with organic gherkins
mixed fruit smoothie (all organic apart from the fruit)
two organic oranges
two tablespoons of linseeds
some keshew nuts
some sunflower seeds

exercise:
decided to give gym a miss today. i might go tomorrow.