happy and sad
dietwise, it was a good day today. i didn't have any bread, rice or pasta. i had fruit, i had vegetables. i didn't drink a lot of water but oh well. i used my estee lauder products, but i didn't dry brush. tomorrow, perhaps.
my spanish course started today. i was petrified. i thought i won't understand a word and everyone else will know a lot more and i'll look like a complete idiot. i thought everyone would laugh at me, point their fingers and chant 'fat fat fat and stupid'. thankfully, it didn't happen. i understood pretty much everything and the two hours went really quickly. i'm looking forward to going there again on wednesday.
that was the happy part.
i've been thinking about getting a personal trainer. i think it would bring me back to the gym - i would have to go, i'd have an appointment - and once i'd see it's really not that bad and i actually enjoy it, i'd start going again. also, i believe having someone pushing me and making a plan aimed at my goals, considering my abilities would help me lose a lot more weight. however, it's not going to happen.
i went to the gym and asked if they had personal trainers. they don't. you can have a plan made by the staff. i've had that done before and it was crap. plus, if i had no one to meet at the gym, i won't make myself go just because i have a piece of paper telling me what to do.
i looked at other personal trainers in manchester but the ones with the gym and the ones who come to your gym (i really don't want to do it 'in comfort of my own home' because i have no space to exercise at all) cost £40 and up. my allowance is £200 a month - £35 covers the gym and £10 the phone. i would go above my allowance (which i can't) and i wouldn't be able to buy anything else at all which just wouldn't work.
so i'm scrapping the idea. and it makes me sad. because for a while, i really believed that i could get back in the gym. that i could find someone who'd kick my lazy arse once a week and motivate me to exercise several times a week on my own. but it's not to be. and once again i'm thinking i'll be fat forever. because i know that eating well on its own doesn't do the trick. i also know that only eating well doesn't motivate me.
i'm not saying i'm throwing the towel. i will be careful with the food. and see what results that brings. however, yesterday i said failure wasn't an option anymore. it is today.
my spanish course started today. i was petrified. i thought i won't understand a word and everyone else will know a lot more and i'll look like a complete idiot. i thought everyone would laugh at me, point their fingers and chant 'fat fat fat and stupid'. thankfully, it didn't happen. i understood pretty much everything and the two hours went really quickly. i'm looking forward to going there again on wednesday.
that was the happy part.
i've been thinking about getting a personal trainer. i think it would bring me back to the gym - i would have to go, i'd have an appointment - and once i'd see it's really not that bad and i actually enjoy it, i'd start going again. also, i believe having someone pushing me and making a plan aimed at my goals, considering my abilities would help me lose a lot more weight. however, it's not going to happen.
i went to the gym and asked if they had personal trainers. they don't. you can have a plan made by the staff. i've had that done before and it was crap. plus, if i had no one to meet at the gym, i won't make myself go just because i have a piece of paper telling me what to do.
i looked at other personal trainers in manchester but the ones with the gym and the ones who come to your gym (i really don't want to do it 'in comfort of my own home' because i have no space to exercise at all) cost £40 and up. my allowance is £200 a month - £35 covers the gym and £10 the phone. i would go above my allowance (which i can't) and i wouldn't be able to buy anything else at all which just wouldn't work.
so i'm scrapping the idea. and it makes me sad. because for a while, i really believed that i could get back in the gym. that i could find someone who'd kick my lazy arse once a week and motivate me to exercise several times a week on my own. but it's not to be. and once again i'm thinking i'll be fat forever. because i know that eating well on its own doesn't do the trick. i also know that only eating well doesn't motivate me.
i'm not saying i'm throwing the towel. i will be careful with the food. and see what results that brings. however, yesterday i said failure wasn't an option anymore. it is today.
posted by dianka at 11:20 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home