it's the same old story

i've been eating for england. and slovakia. and a few other countries. i'm ashamed but really, what can i do? learn from it and not do it again? like that's gonna happen. or is it?

it's weigh in day tomorrow. start of a new week. i can go back to the gym tomorrow because i'll be 7 weeks post op.

the problem is, i'm lacking motivation. i weighed 63.5kg two weeks ago. now i weigh about 65. 1.5kg gain in two weeks. the thing is, i didn't even eat a lot in those past few weeks. i only started eating so much in the past few days when i saw how much i gained and decided that me trying to lose weight is futile and i might as well start to eat shitloads of shit before the next wednesday when i can start again. it's upsetting. but perhaps, when i start exercising, i can allow myself to eat a little more a still lose?
exercise is another problem. i can't be bothered. a few days ago i was really excited that i would be able to get back to the gym. now though... i don't want to get up early and go to the gym. i don't want to have to put on a horrible sports bra, work out, sweat and have a shower in a place that's full of verrucas (i'd like to say that my gym is really nice, it's just... i hate showers and public showers are my worst nightmare). oh balls! what did i get myself into?

wish me luck!