chocolate binge

i went to aqua aerobics class today. nice because i could sleep for 40 minutes longer. the class was a bit boring though, we were doing the same stuff over and over and over. but i managed. i also swam 500 m (25 lengths) before the class started. compared to the gym, swimming is so boring. it wouldn't be if i could have my ipod on but they obviously don't work well under water so i guess i'll have to wait until they make a waterproof one ;)

mark has a band practice today. so he leaves just before six and i'm doing my colour by numbers winnie the pooh picture. that's good. then i get bored and can hear the snowflake (which i bought for mark) calling my name. so i have the snowflake. i want more chocolate so instead of telling myself to shut up sit down and wait it out i go downstairs and take two (not one, two!) wonka bars. obviously, i eat them upstairs. i'm like 'what the fuck???' right afterwards. so i do the dance routine a few times, i'm getting better. better as in i can actually remember it well enough to do it fast. then i decide to go to the trafford centre to walk out the chocolate.
as i'm getting off the bus, a fat girl is stood in front of me. i don't think i've ever been as big as her but it suddenly hits me that i don't ever want to be either. i want to be thin. that's what i'm going to the gym every day for. that's why i'm trying to eat healthy every day. that's why i don't eat chocolate and crisps! i mean, i do, every now and then, they're not forbidden, but it's a tiny piece once a week not three full size bars... so why on earth did i just eat three bars of chocolate????
then i go through debenhams and look at all these clothes that i want to wear and wonder about the chocolate again. the thing is, i understand that i won't put two kilos of pure fat from these three bars of chocolate i've eaten although it will most likely slow down the weight loss. but i'm scared that i will eat another three bars tomorrow and the day after and the day after that... i don't want that to happen.

i bought some stickers. feet and smiling faces. i'm stealing paulene's idea (i think she stole it from someone else herself). for a day when i exercise i'll stick a foot in my filofax. for a day when i eat well, i'll stick a smiling face in my filofax. i've already been busy doing it for the days already gone. and it looks good. obviously, more feet than smiling faces but i'm hoping i will be getting more and more smilies.
i also bought a very nice tshirt for mark, i hope he'll like it. and i hope it fits as well.

i've done something to my leg. i was whinging yesterday that my hip hurt. well actually, it's weird. it doesn't hurt all the time. but when i go upstairs, downstairs, when i squat and want to get up and sometimes when i walk, i get this shooting pain from my knee up the leg into the hip. gah! getting up from squating position is the worst. well i'll see how it is tomorrow. i'm definitely not going to run tomorrow but i'll have to see about walking and biking. so annoying! mark suggested i should do this arm machine, you know, it's like a bike but for arms. but i can't really imagine doing that for longer than five minutes. so i'll see about the workout tomorrow. wish me luck!