demotivated

i really really really want to be under 60 kilos when we go to slovakia in five weeks. i really do. but that little gain has thrown me off a little. well, a bit more than a little. i went way over points on sunday (my weigh in day) and i ate my bonus points yesterday which i never do because i was hungry (and had a sandwich in the fridge). the result is a massive gain and i'm completely demotivated.

i got really upset last night when we went shopping because i can't drink (alcohol) and i can't eat (bad food). it's just so unfair, some people are beautiful, clever and can drink and eat whatever they want - like mark. i can't drink at all, i have to be very very careful with what i eat and my cleverness that i had when i was a child and a teenager has disappeared into thin air and i'm not even going to start with what i look like. and that pisses me off to no end.

anyway, i've decided i need to plan my meals for a while and ensure i have plenty to eat in the evening (that's when i want to eat because mark's at home and i see him eat) and that it's all good food. we bought lots of fruit and salads last night. so far, i've had potato cakes today and later i'm going to have pancakes with maple syrup and banana and some fruit and when i come home from tango i'll have a quorn cottage pie. i will stay within my points allowance and i will earn some bonus points tangoing. even if i don't lose this week, and i will most likely gain, at least i can say that i've done some damage limitation action.